I was there for you when you needed me. When we broke up, and you were at your lowest, I stuck by your side every step of the way. I cared about your feelings and did my best to make things easier for you. I truly thought our connection was something special, that our love went deeper than a typical romance.
But now, I feel like a fool. I’ve never felt this stupid before, and it hurts a lot. All of this was true until the moment you realised we weren’t getting back together, until you found your own happiness. At that point, it felt like you left me behind and started treating me differently. It’s become clear that all my efforts might have been in vain. It’s hard to accept that maybe it was all just an act to keep the door open for the future.
These past few days, Jade, you’ve really hurt me. I was already struggling, and this pushed me to my limits. I cried more this weekend than I have in a whole year. It’s like my whole world has fallen apart, and the Jade I knew seems distant now. I’m hurting a lot, feeling silly for caring and loving you.
You took advantage of my vulnerability, waiting until I was at my lowest before walking away. It was a really hurtful move. Yet, despite all that, I still worried about you, offering to help set up your bed when I wasn’t doing well myself. You never even asked how I was holding up, even though you knew I was having a tough time. The first thing I said to you on the phone was “You ok?“.
I feel like a total fool. I gave you everything, made so many compromises, and always looked out for us, even at the expense of my own well-being. Breaking your heart when we split was really hard for me, and it was even harder to watch you suffer because of it.
I want you to understand how much effort I put into making you happy. I’m not looking for thanks; I just want you to realise that I gave it my all.
Even when I started dating other people, my feelings for you didn’t change. I still said “I love you,” sent you messages, and video chatted with you. I’m the same person; I just don’t want a romantic relationship anymore. If things changed for you, that’s okay, I recognise I might be the odd one out here. Our romantic relationship ended, but I thought we still had a bond and that was really precious to me, if not more precious than our romantic relationship.
About your iPad, I wasn’t in a good place mentally. I have a lot on my plate with university and my relationship, and I missed you and wanted to catch up. When I saw your iPad light up, I absentmindedly started looking around. I ended up in your photos, and it really hurt. But the way you handled it? You seemed like you didn’t care about how I was feeling. You said you’d be there for me, but you came and went without checking in on me, even for just ten minutes.
I hope I’ve never made you feel like this, Jade. I hope you never feel this alone in your life.
I’m disappointed in myself for allowing all of this to happen. I’m disappointed in myself for compromising so much. I’m disappointed in myself for not standing my ground and for trying to be what you needed, when I should have just been myself. I’m just really disappointed in myself more than anything else, I’ve been treating you better than I have been treating myself. You know what I’ve been told? I’ve heard it from more than one person that I’m like the comfy old couch in their lives – always there, always dependable, ready to put my own feelings aside to help. And somehow, that makes people take me for granted, not treating me as well as they should because they know I won’t walk away. It’s like I’m that familiar old couch that everyone loves to sit on but doesn’t really take good care of. It’s heartbreaking because it makes perfect sense.
I loved you with all my heart and it hurts for me to acknowledge that you don’t feel the same. I can’t be fooled by words, I have to interpret your actions. I can’t continue like this, Jade. I can handle us living together because I’m going to Brazil soon, but we can’t be close like we were. I’ve never felt this disappointed or upset. It’s as though the version of you I loved has disappeared, and now only exists in my memories. I genuinely believed we’d always have each other’s backs, but now I see that was only true if there was a chance we’d get back together. When I look back at our relationship, all I see is me giving my all to someone who wouldn’t do the same for me. So yeah, I am sorry but I’m leaving your life.